Julien - Part 2

After the first date with Julien we continued to text and chat on Facebook, often his texts made no sense to me and I'm sure he would say the same about my garbled French, or Franglais as I more realistically refer to it. He was still pulling the old trick of asking me out at 10/11pm but I figured it  was no big deal, I didn't  really like him enough to care.

That was until I discovered that C was to be in town that weekend and although I wouldn't be seeing him I knew that he would be meeting up with the bitch/skank/whore that he cheated on me with. (Oops, feminism just went right out the window there!) I weighed up my options: stay in and obsessively look on his Facebook and that of his friends to see if I could find any clue of his and the skanks whereabouts OR I could get myself dressed up and go on a date of my own. The latter of course won. I was happy if a little surprised when I text Julien and asked if he was free to discover that he was. I told him that I wanted to go dancing and we arranged that I would go to his place before heading to a club. 

I made a big effort that night, low cut but not slutty dress, sleek hair and perfected make-up, sexy matching underwear and to top it all of, stockings and suspenders!!!! If you’ve never worn stockings teamed with a suspender belt then you absolutely must! I mean, ok, it can be tricky to get them on and you may scream with frustration a few times but once they are on you will feel so sexy and confident that it is SO worth it. Whenever I wear them on a date it's 60% for me and 40% for the guy...in fact, I've even been known to wear them under my skirt at work but hey, no one in the office needs to know about that! ;) 

Anyway, Julien certainly seemed to appreciate the effort made too. As I walked through his front door we kissed and his wandering hands soon found my little surprise. "vraiment jolie…would you not rather stay in tonight?", I didn't but I appreciated the  compliment. We drank wine and listened to The XX while Julien got himself together. He explained to me that his bank card had a crack in it but that if I paid the taxi then he would buy our drinks. We hopped in a taxi to my 1st but certainly not last time to Bus Palladium. So this was where all the cool and beautiful French people hung out!!! Rather head straight for the main room we went upstairs to the restaurant/bar and sat on tall stools. Julien ordered a glass of champagne for each of us and we actually had a good time talking and laughing. (He thought it was super hilarious to put his champagne glass between my cleavage, I didn't think it was so hilarious.) We finished our drinks and went down to the dance floor and I have to admit that Julien was a great dancer. We went to get another drink and then...uh oh...his card was declined. Luckily it was payday so I stepped up and bought the drinks. (Not a huge deal anyway, I like to pay my own way and he had bought the 1st round.) Maybe at this point the alarm bells should have been ringing but I was having too much of a good time to notice them. 

Shoulda, woulda , coulda.

The next thing that happened DID send those bells ringing. Two girls that Julien knew came over to say hello and there was only what I could describe as a weird tension between the three of them, it was clear that he had sex with one of the girls if not both. They were both pleasant enough to me though and I didn't really think too much of it until a short while later. We were dancing and I was aware that Julien was continuously looking over my shoulder. Yes, he was trying to make someone jealous! I should have walked away then but I never, my mistake. Soon after that I started to be aware of someone deliberately pushing into me on the dancefloor, yep, the two girls who had pleasant to me earlier were both acting like stupid brats. Julien, of course, seemed to think that the whole thing was funny and in an attempt not to turn around and punch them both in the face (and him too!) I stormed to the bar and ordered myself another champagne, not before shouting at him though "THAT IS NOT FUCKING COOL, SORT IT OUT!!!" Again, I probably should have taken that opportunity to walk away but I was drunk and really like the club. When Julien went for what was probably his 80th cigarette a guy with a massive camera came over and asked if he could take my photo for his  website, I awkwardly agreed, I don't really like being in those situations but hey, I liked the ego boost and it did wonders for my bad mood.

Julien was turning out to be a total dickhead but it didn't stop me from going home with him. Nor did it stop me from getting naked with him and bumping uglies. I was surprised to find that what he lacked in height he more than made up for in the trouser department however, I wasn't surprised to find that he was a very selfish lover. And I absolutely wasn’t surprised to find the ever present stash of condoms by his bed.

In the morning I reflected on what I had gained from meeting Julien: a larger than expected dent in my bank balance, a scene in a club which saw me go mental at someone and, a night of not so great sex. Yep, all too late the alarm bells rang clear. I left and thankfully, never saw Julien again.

Julien - Part One

So after the Didier disaster things really quietened down on the Frenchman front and it didn't help that my two main wing women both got boyfriends and were less inclined to prowl in bars with me. I was feeling sorry for myself and I was needy for some male attention. (Yes, I know exactly how pathetic that sounds but seriously, I was one more lonley Saturday night in away from stuffing my face with Ben&Jerrys and screetching the words to Celine Dions 'All By Myself'.) Then my dear friend K convinced me to join the dating site adopteunmec.com. Now I know what you are probably thinking because I was thinking the exact same thing..aren't dating sites for middle-ages, divorcees who are basically past it? But K told me about all the fun dates she had been on via this site and eventually I signed up myself to see what all the fuss was about.
I was pleasantly surprised, some of the guys on this website were seriously good looking! And after looking at some of the stupidly beautiful girls on the site I decided that maybe it wasn't just for desparados after all. I never actually spoke to anyone on it however, until a wine fuelled night with a friend where we giggled our way through the male profiles on show. (Interesting fact: My friend became in contact with her now boyfriend via that site that very night and they are now living happily ever after!).

Anyway, lets cut to the chase. There was one particullar guy on this site who contacted me and was hot, hot, hot. Floppy hair? Check. Designer stubble? Check. French?? Errr, check. Julien described himself as an artist and we gradually started messaging. His English was pretty bad, but hey, who am I to judge?! He asked for my facebook which I gave him and he would often 'like' one of my statuses or photos. I had the feeling that of course he was just after one thing, and when he would ask me for a drink at 10pm at night I would always say no. This continued for a few weeks until eventually I figured I may as well bite the bullet and go on a date with him.

When date night arrived I got myself ready and headed to the bar in the Buttes Chaumont parc. He chose the bar and I was pretty impressed that he didn't just go for somewhere at Bastille or Oberkampf. I text him when I arrived to find that he was already in the queue to enter the parc and into the bar. As I headed towards him I was feeling really nervous, I really hoped his pictures were representative. My worries were unfounded though, I spotted him in the crowd and he was just as he was in his photos and everything he had said on his profile seemed to be accurate until I actually reached him. Omg, he was tiny!!!! As I've mentioned before I am a little vertically challenged (or fun sized as I like to say!) and Julien was the same height as me. Lucky I had worn really small heels or it could have been really embarassing. His face was nice though and I really wanted to run my hands through his floppy hair. Once settled with our drinks (I asked for a glass of rose - he bought me a bottle.) we started talking and got to know each other. It was a mixture of my bad French and his bad English but I thought we were getting on pretty well until he exclaimed "Deux ans en Paree et tu n'ai parlez pas francais?! C'est un catastrophe!!!!'." All I could think was 'Easy tiger, I think there are worse things in life'. Anyway, after a bottle of wine I was pretty drunk. We danced, we kissed and I actually had a really good date.

At the end of the night it was pretty difficult to get a taxi so Julien suggested that I stay at his place 'just to sleep'. I was drunk and tired and knew that I shouldn't go home with him. Although I was having fun I thought that he was just a tad on the strange side but when does sense ever take over?

Once back at his appartment I was impressed by how nice and big it was. I thought artists were supposed to struggle?! However, it was really dirty and I don't just mean untidy I mean overflowing ashtrays and dirty dishes everywhere. I was too tired to care though and off we went to bed to sleep. Actually sleep with only the minimum of fooling around!

I left the next day feeling a little confused. I had a nice night and Julien was handsome but there was just something a little off about him. I agreed that I would see him again but it wasn't until our next date that I realised exactly how weird he was....

Courting via SMS - How NOT to do it....

10/09/2011. 05.59 am: It's Olivier

10/09/2011. 06.26am: Hi. What're you doing? Do you feel like drinking some wine at our flat? Olivier

14/09/2011. 12.02pm: Hi ******. How ru since last Saturday? This weekend I'm going to Barcelona to meet some friends but what about getting a drink next week? Olivier (Shit, I really need to stop giving my number out to randoms, who the hell is this?!)

14/09/2011 13.40pm: Hey Olivier, um I'm really sorry but I don't remember meeting you at all on Friday, I was really drunk. Did we meet in the brasserie? (Let's try to narrow it down here....)

14/09/2011 13.43pm: Yep :-) it was in the brasserie near the Cafe Oz. I was at a table with a friend.

14/09/2011 14.48pm: Do you remember a little more? Anyway we should meet next weekend, that alright for you? Olivier

14/09/2011 14.55pm: Um honestly? I don't remember!

14/09/2011 14:57pm: It was at the brasserie near the pavement close to Argentinian guys drinking beer. You told me you were living in Paris and I studied in ******* near ******. What about meeting in a pub soon? (Insert name of university close to my home town.)

14/09/2011 15.07pm: Sure, add me on FB and see if it jogs my memory. My surname is *******. (He could be hot right?)

14/09/2011 15.31pm: I'm not using FB anymore. My surname is *****. I'm only using linkedin but it's a bit more professional. (Hmmmm, something to hide?!)

14/09/2011 16.09pm: Ok. And we actually had a full conversation yes? (Because I remember nothing! Damn you wine!)

14/09/2011 16.15pm: Yep :-) I do not remember everything but it was pretty good I guess,

14/09/2011 16.33pm: Do you often go near Blanche to go out?

14/09/2011 16.48pm: Yes, quite often. Bus Palladium is my favourite club and there's a few bars nearby that I like.

14/092011 16.52pm: Ha ok. Never went to Bus Palladium. I should try it though.

15/09/2011 22.59pm: Hi. R u going out tonight? Olivier

15/09/2011 23.04pm: No, I have work in the morning.

15/09.2011 23.07pm : Oh sure? I will leave the company party in 20min and will be in Blanche in 45min. Lets meet in a pub alright? (I guess my last reply wasn't clear.)

15/09/2011 23.15pm: No! I'm at home in bed and going to sleep soon.

15/09/2011 23.18pm: Noooo. Even for me?

15/09/2011 23.22pm: Yes! Especially for a guy I dont remember meeting and have no idea what he looks like! (Ok, maybe a little harsh but I was trying to read a good book!)

15/09/2011 23.25pm: Ooh, I text you when I'm nearby Blanche. (Oh God.)

15/09/2011 23.28pm: Um if you want but I'm home in bed and sleeping soon.

15/09/2011 23.31pm: Ok, I'll travel quick.

15/09/2011 23.41pm: I'm not meeting you.

16/09/2011 00.10am: Seriously?

16/09/2011 01.58am: Are u in?

21/09/2011 19.52pm: Hi. How r u? What about meeting tomorrow to have a drink? (Jesus, Mr Persistant and I'm pretty positive I didn't even kiss the guy!)

21/09/2011 20.17pm: Tomorrow I'm busy! Sorry!

21/09/2011 20.47pm: Ah ok. Saturday?

23/09/2011 17.42pm: Sorry, this whole weekend is difficult for me!

28/09/2011 20.13pm: Hello, Just leaving from an afterwork cocktail. What about getting a drink tonight near Blanche? Olivier (Does this guy ever give up?!)

28/09/2011 21.32pm: Sorry, I'm really exhausted, I had a late night last night. I'm going to Spain on Friday but going out tomorrow night. (Lets give him a chance....)

29/09/2011 18.50pm: Hello. At what time do you go out? is it for the happy hour? Olivier

29/09/2011 21.36pm: Hello, no, I'm going to the VIP Room!

29/09/2011 21.42pm: Ok so lets say we'll meet when you come back from Spain. Can't manage it for tonight. Have fun!

05/10/2011 20.12pm: Hi, r u back to Paris? How about getting a drink tomorrow or Saturday? Olivier

06/10/2011 19.09pm: Hello, I'll be free after Monday! (I had friends visiting.)

18/10/2011 10.52am: Hi, how are you? How about getting out this weekend? Cheers, Olivier.

18/10/2011 15.59pm: Sure, I think I'm going out on Friday so I'll let you know where! (Lets get this over and done with and as 'K' said, it's blogging material and I have nothing to lose)

18/10/2011 16.04pm: Ok perfect :-)

21/10/2011 11.53am: Hi , do you plan to go out during happy hour too? We can meet to have a drink before party. I'll be with 2 friends, Olivier.

21/10/2011 18.53pm: What do you do tonight? Olivier (Argh, be patient!)

21/10/2011 19.46pm: I'm going out in Oberkampf.

21/10/2011 19.50pm: When? Now?

21/10/2011 21.30pm: Ok, when do you go to Oberkampf?

21/10/2011 21.57pm: Now

21/10/2011 21.59pm: Ok, what is your program? We can be there in 1hr. Olivier.

21/10/2011 22.09pm: I'm going for dinner, then drinks,

21/10/2011 22.13pm: Ok, we meet for a drink after your dinner in 1hr in Oberkampf?

21/10/2011 22.17pm: Will probably be more than an hour , it's a busy restaurant!

21/10/2011 22.20pm: Alright, I'll text you when I'm there. With whom r u?

21/10/2011 22.22pm: Friends. (Who do you think?! My Mother? Father Christmas?! The Pope?!)

21/10/2011 22.33pm: Ok, how about taking the apero tomorrow afternoon with my two friends and your friends? (Hmmmm, trying to pimp my friends out to your friends?!)

21/10/2011 22.40pm: Sorry, I'm busy tomorrow!

21/10/2011 22.45: Ok, I'll text you later. You're gonna be up all night?

21/10/2011 22.47pm: No

21/10/2011 22.48pm: When do you plan to go to bed?

21/10/2011 22.50pm: We are out for dinner so can meet in Cafe Charbon in about 1hr.

21/10/2011 22.52pm: Ah Grands Boulevards could be better no?

21/10/2011 22.59pm: No. (Ok, I'm just irritated now)

21/10/2011 23.03pm: Ok, I'll try to be there on time.

22/10/2011 12.43pm: Hi, sorry for last night, I didn't make it. I'm taking the apero with friends. You're invited. It's metro Brochant. Olivier (Hmmmm, I believe I already told you I was busy!)

23/10/2011 04.33am: Hi *****, Ru up? We could meet. Olivier (Early morning booty call with someone you probably did'nt even kiss?! How desperate are you?!?!?)

01/11/2011 16.55pm: Hello, how are you? Could be nice to catch up this weekend, are you going out? Olivier

04/11/2011 21.09pm: Hi, we should meet tonight. Do you go out? Olivier (Please go away.)

04/11/2011 21.32pm: Hello, I've actually started dating someone I met a couple of weeks ago so I can't meet you. Sorry! (Ok, ok, it's a lie...if that makes me a bad person then oh well!)

07/11/2011 23.19pm: Ok, tell me when you're available. (AAARRRRGHHHHHHH!)

07/11/2011 23.50pm: I won't be available. (Harsh but true!)

It's been a week so I'm hoping that no more texts will arrive. It's true that the grass is always greener but I think I'd still rather have the aloof rarely texting Frenchie than the overly persistant version! And yes, I know I probably shoud've nipped it in the bud far earlier but a little voice kept telling me 'it couldn't hurt', another lesson - don't pay attention to the little voices in your head!

Goodbye Didier....

So I thought Didier was a keeper but it turned out I was wrong. After Christmas we arranged to meet up via Facebook a couple of times. Each time he had said to me, "text me when you want to meet". The 1st time that I text him after a conversation like this and he didn't reply I brushed it off. The 2nd time it happened though I got mad!

It was a Saturday and we had arranged a little rendez vous the night before. Didier had told me to text him the next day to make arrangements and so around 3pm I text and asked when he wanted me. As I waited for his reply I went through the good old female routine that you painfully go through when sleeping with a new guy: shaving, exfoliating, moisturising, plucking, nail painting, underwear choosing (actually, that part's not so painful), outfit choosing, blow drying, hair straightening, perfume spraying and above all - criticitzing!

By the time I was finished this loooong beauty routine I expected a reply from Didier but nada. I figured he was just busy and would get back to me soon. I was wrong. Around 5pm I text him again. By the time 7pm rolled round I was majorly unhappy and decided that I would just treat myself to a couple of bottles of wine instead, oh and maybe some chocolate. (the endorphins in chocolate are supposed to mimic the pleaseure of sex right? Take that and the wine and it would be just like the first night I spent with Didier!)

An hour (give or take), half a bottle of rose down and copious amounts of chocolate later I was in no way feeling any endorphins, I was just plain pissed off and I sure wasn't doing myself any favours by watching 'danse avec les stars' (is that programme good in any language!?) and engaging in plentiful Facebook stalking. And then I saw it, the f**cking, bast***ing, c**t, dic***ad, frog was online! (excuse my French!) Fuelled by the wine I wrote him a somewhat snappy message:

 Me: Thanks for not getting back to me, had I known you were going to cancel I would've made other plans.
Didier: You were supposed to text me to arrange.
Me: I did and you didnt reply!!!!
D : No you never
Me (getting agitated) : Oh yes I fucking did, is this not your number, 06*********?

And then...he went offline!

Oh and a little thing I forgot to mention...I had got a new phone approx 2 weeks before this whole exchange took place. Not everyone had my new number so I was still keeping my old phone charged and switched on. (Can you see where this is going?!)

About 5 minutes later my old phone started vibrating with a message: 'Hello, this is the correct number for me.' Oh yeees, you guessed it, I had entered the wrong number into my new phone. All that while being mad that I had received no reply to my texts and I hadn't even been texting the correct number - what an idiot!!! I replied and asked if Didier still wanted to meet up. He didn't, he had made alternative plans. Plenty more wine had been consumed during this exchange so I will blame that for my hot-headedness, 'Fine', I replied 'but I can't be bothered with this and therefore I never want to see you again!'

Of course it was totally irrational and over the top but Didiers response totally floored me. I swear it was the worst thing a guy has ever ever said to me and I had got some great abuse from 'C' (stupid fucking slut being a personal favourite). Never had abuse like this from a guy made me stop and think so much and really question myself. Over and over I played it in my mind, so mortified, upset and embarassed.

Didier had told me that I had bad breath!!!!


Yep, you read that right. I brush x2 a day, floss and chew plenty of gum. Jesus, how had this happened. Why hadn't any of my friends ever told me about this problem? How could I ever kiss a guy again?! I was so embarassed but I had to know the thruth and so the next day I called my great friend K (she gives tough love) to ask her if it was true. She of all people would tell me if it was. As I mumbled the awful 'Do I have bad breath?' down the phone I could feel my face burning. Thankfully I got the answer I wanted to hear: 'Whaaat?! No you do not!!! What a fucking arsehole! Do you really think I would let you go on dates with guys if you had bad breath?' K tells it like it is and even though she had to reassure me several more times I believed her.

Needless to say, I didn't contact/hear from Didier again.

But here is the lesson in this...if you ever want to make someone really paranoid, self-doubting and embarrased - tell them they have bad breath, not everyone is as lucky to have such a straight talking and honest friend as me!

Didier - Part 2

So despite the inevitable wine head the next morning I had had a really nice time with Didier..and not just because of his glorious wine cave. Ok, it was due to the visit of said wine cave that I couldn't remember much about the actual sex (clearly I had still been drunk the morning after the night before) but I did remember that it wasn't horrible and that is always a good start right...riiight?! Well, that's what I chose to tell myself anyway.

Even if I couldn't remember the exact details of getting frisky with Didier I really had the impression that he was a bit of a keeper - he was hot, had a great job, was super sweet and best of all seemed to be really into me. So it was with this in mind that I debated doing something that this Anglolut doesn't really do. I decided that perhaps it would be a good idea to hold off and not have sex with him the next time I saw him. Now , I know that this is nothing unusual for most people but my mind goes more like this:

• boy likes girl
• girl likes boy
• boy and girl fancy each other
• boy and girl are capable of giving each other great pleasure
• boy and girl have great (hopefully!) sex and may or may not live happily ever after.

So it was with my virtual chastity belt on that I tottled over to Didiers in the snow (in heels) the next weekend. He's really into old movies and had never seen Roman Holiday, I love that movie and also happen to have it on dvd so we had arranged to watch it. Again he proved his sweetness when I got there and had a variety of chocolate biscuits waiting and introduced me to carambars (yummy!). We snuggled down on the sofa and watched Roman Holiday and I realized that if I wanted a boyfriend this would've been the perfect scenario: huge snowdrops falling down outside whilst all warm inside with a handsome man to keep me warm. I should have been concentrating on Audrey Hepburn running riot around Rome but all I could think about was how sexy Didier was and how hard it was going to be to say no....

It wasn't long before my resistance was tested. Throughout the movie Didier had tried it on with several sneaky attempts to stick his hand down my bra/pants only to be met with a slap on the hand. After the movie finished he really turned on the charm with the oh so familiar 'you have such beautiful eyes' followed up with a 'but you know that already'...huh? I do?! Do I walk around with a sign around my neck saying 'I have beautiful eyes'?! That wasn't what charmed me though, after a particularly passionate kiss it was very clear by the bulge in Didiers jeans that his mind was no longer on the movie and that he reeeally wanted to have his wicked way with me. I was really good though and I totally resisted.

For about ten minutes.

We both had plans for later on that evening and so wrapped up warm for the bitter winter evening outside. My silly heels teamed with my big coat, cozy hat, scarf and gloves must've made me look like a walking contradiction but I didn't care. As Didier switched off the living room light somehow we ended up in one last kiss for the evening and well....I guess I couldn't resist just checking to see if he still had the huge erection going on...As soon as my had ahem...grazed...down there it was like an explosion! Coats were being ripped off, gloves and hats discarded and the next thing I knew Didier was fumbling with the button on my pants and was pulling them down. In true Frenchman fashion a condom seemed to appear out of nowhere (still a mystery to me where that came from but I imagine he had had it in the back pocket of his jeans all afternoon the expectant devil!) and the next thing I knew we were doing it up against the wall - woohoo for shorter than average men after all! It was so hot and passionate and really was like a scene out a movie. And this time there was no doubt about it...it was fantastic!

Afterwards Didier walked me to the metro and we said goodbye with huge grins on our faces. He told me it was a moment that he would never forget and I absolutely had to agree with him.

 

Older But Absolutely Not Wiser...

This week I celebrated what was my 4th and very likely last birthday celebration in Paris and it made me think about what I have learned about men over the past few years of Parisian living. My 1st birthday celebration in the city of lights was spent with two mecs (guys) that my friend and I had hung out with a few times. One of them I got on with very well, there was lots of flirting and some potential for a little French romance...well, that's what I thought until it emerged that he was engaged, stupid of me I know not to have spotted the ring on that all imprtant finger. (what kind of guy wears an engagement ring anyway?!) Funnily enough, that friendship fizzled out soon after.
My next encounter with a Frenchman was with an not-so-attractive guy called Phillipe. We met in a nightclub when I was stupidly drunk and had been abandoned by my friend who was erm...busy(!) with some 18 year old in the corner.  He told me "you eez so beautiful, such beeeautiful eyez...I zwill take you for a nicce deener in an nicce restaurant", maybe it was the French accent and the compliments that made me abandon my poor friend and leave the club with Phillipe (actually it was probably the large amounts of vodka that I'd consumed but we wont go into that) and the next thing I knew I was in the back of a car zooming down the Champs Elysees. To this day I still have no idea where Phillipe's place was located. What I do remember was the feeling of revulsion as we got back to his place and he rammed his snakey tongue down my throat. Along with the immediate groping (where was the anticipation??) and the feeling that I was going to throw up, it was not going well. When a guy takes your hand and tried to shove it down his pants to be met with an involuntary shudder I think even he knows it's not going well and so Phillipe stopped his advances and we both went to sleep. The next morning he prodded me awake (with his fingers and no, not down there) and told me "you mussst go now, my son eez coming". Ha, what happened to the promise of my romantic meal?!
Of course at that point I should have put my shoes on with dignity and made a hasty retreat, but oh no, things never plan out so smoothly. With a sinking heart I realised that I had absolutely NO cash. In my drunken exit from the club I had taken our flat keys but had left all our cash with my friend. (sorry once again for that one J!). At this point I had lived in Paris for under a month - I had no idea how easy it is to jump the metro here. What could I do? The obvious answer was to ask Phillipe for the 1.60 it would take to get me home but seeing as he was no longer the romantic Frenchman he was the night before and had rolled over and had gone back to sleep after giving me my marching orders I thought better of it. I was pretty much freaking out and had that awful sick feeling in my tummy (I was wearing 4" heels - was I going to have to walk home in them?!) when I spotted Phillipes wallet on his bedside table. I have to stress that I was only going to take 1.60 for the metro, I'm not some skank who stays with a guy and then steals from him but at this point I was utterly freaking out and wasn't thinking straight. As I picked up Phillipe's wallet hoping to find change he suddenly jerked up awake. Quickly I put it back down and asked him where the closest metro was but it was too late - he had clearly seen me. Without a word he picked up his wallet, phone and camera and locked them in the bathroom with him as he took a shower. I have never been so ashamed and so made my very fast exit! Funnily enough he never did call me for that dinner date. It took me a long time to get home that day but that is a whole other story in itself. The lesson here? Never abandon your friend in a club, especially when you have no money.
Other lessons that I have learned since then? I'm not sure I have learned many. What I have learned though is that a French accent still makes a guy seem sexy, I still fall for insincerity and I absolutely put far too much faith in people.I have no problem with casual sex but some men will say anything to get you to bed, they will lie, cheat and will say whatever they think you want to hear, they will promise you the world just so that they can have their wicked way with you. I cant stand liars and am begining to think that the next guy that gets me into bed will have to be one who is honest and utters something along the immortal line of "you and me baby aint nothin' but mammels so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel". At least there is pure honestly in that.

Encounter 4 - Didier, Part 1

I don't remember much about the very first night that I met Didier except that I was pretty hammered after indulging in too much wine in a bar. My friend had been talking to his friend, we shared a quick kiss and the next day I discovered this verrrry handsome new guy added to my facebook friends. He worked in advertising for a very well known French company, seemed utterly adorable, very sweet and very French!
About a week after we met he popped up on my Facebook and started to chat away, en francais bien sur! Chatting to cute guys online is a great way to practice your French and is far more enjoyable than paying lots of money for boring French lessons. However...my French isn't so great and it led to a little misunderstanding. Didier asked if I would like to meet the next night for a drink and of course I did. He said something about a wine cave near his place and we arranged where and when to meet the next night. So the next night we met up and I have to confess that he was shorter than what I remembered, at 160cm I am not exactly tall so it is bad news when I think that a guy is short. Nonetheless he was really hot with green eyes and floppy hair...even if he was sans designer stubble! He started to lead the way to where we were going and led me right to his front door! I was pretty confused - I thought we were going to a bar and yes, I know it was stupid but I got good vibes off the guy so rather than admit my pathetic level of French I decided just to see it through and when we entered his flat and he produced a lovely bottle of expensive champagne I knew I wouldnt regret that decision.
I love being in peoples homes for the 1st time, I think you can tell so much about them. In my home I have photos on the wall, loads of books and DVDs, cute cards sent from my family and you can tell I like pink. Didiers place was minimal to perfection. There was no books/cd's or anything like that lying around, it was impossible to tell what his interests were! He wasn't from Paris and he asked me why I was single, I asked him same thing. His answer? "It is so difficult to find a wife in Paris, these women are very cold. But I am very glad I have met you"...like just whoa!!! What can a girl even reply to that?! However I just smiled and drank my champagne and tried not to get weirded out. After the 1st bottle of champage Didier regretfully told me that all he had in his kitchen was red wine. Me, not being a fan of red wine told him that water would be fine but nooooo.... He told me to put my shoes on and follow him....
As I followed him down the stairs and towards the cellars I was beginning to wonder if my instincts had failed me and this guy was infact a crazy serial killer who was going to chop me up into tiny pieces. I was pleasantly surprised to find this wasn't the case and was shocked by what I saw: in his small cave there was wine EVERYWHERE!!! I do not exaggerate when I say there was hundreds of bottles. There was wine glasses, books on wine, wine in boxes, wine in bags, bottles of wine and champagne just sitting on the floor...as Didier selected another nice bottle of champagne (worth like 60euros, I totally checked it out in a shop a few days later!) I could only stand open mouthed. I'm sure I must've looked very attractive! We headed back upstairs and well, after two bottles of champagne I'm sure you can figure out the rest. I wont go into detail except to say that yet again there was a plentiful stash of condoms right beside the bed,,,,
The next orning I woke up at 9am (urgh, so early!) to find that Didier was already up, dresssed and eating breakfast. Not wanting him to think I was a lazy cow I got up and did my best to pretend that I was a) not hungover and b) perfectly used to getting up at such a ungodly hour at the weekend. Here I witnessed Didiers 1st weirdo Frenchism...he was drinking his tea out a bowl! Like a breakfast bowl that a person would eat their cereal out of. Why do French people do that?! Why not just have 2 mugs of tea? He also seemed to have endless amounts of energy and enthusiasm and weirdo Frenchism number 2 - he always said 'hup!'...Just.dont.get.it! Anyway, he told me that he was up early because he had to go and meet a friend. I figured that I may as well take advantage of him while I had him and dragged him back to the bedroom to make him late. When I finally allowed him to escape my clutches he told me to stay in bed and to stay for as long as I wanted. Very trusting you might think but as I said this guy seemed to have nothing but wine for belongings...
So he said a very sweet goodbye and left me lying in his bed and despite his strange Frenchisms and apparent search for a wife it was another a bientot to another handsome Frenchman.